Post by Yuk YuK on May 21, 2006 3:47:30 GMT -5
You need a Rab C Nesbitt accent
GLESGA STORIES
This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record newspaper when his wife
sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. Whit
wis that fur?" he cries."That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser
pockets with the name Mary-Rose written oan it," said she. Don't be daft," he
explains,"two weeks ago when I went to the races Mary-Rose wis the
name of one o' the horses I bet on." She seemed satisfied apologised, and went
off to do the housework. Three days later he's again sitting in his chair
reading when she nails him again with the frying pan, knocking him out
cold.
When he comes around, he "whit the hell wis that fur?""Your horse
phoned!"
------------------------------------
A wee Glesga man and a woman who have never met before find themselves
in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial
embarrassment, hey both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the
lower. In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says,"I'm
sorry to bother you, but I'm freezing and I was wondering if you could
possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and with a glint in his
eye, says,"I've got a better idea .let's kid-on wur married." Why not,"
giggles the woman. Good", he replies."Get yur ain blanket
---------------------------------------
A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been
given a part in the school play.'Wonderful. Whit part is it?' she asks The
boy says,'I play the part of the Scottish husband. The mother scowls and
says ,'Go back an' tell that teacher you want a speaking part!
-----------------------------------------
One day the Primary 1 teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,
"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and
said, Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"
The teacher paused then asked the class,"And what do you think that man
said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said,"I think he said F*** me l! A
talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes!
-----------------------------------------
A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby,
checked his weight found it some what below normal, and asked if the baby was
breast fed or bottle fed."Breast fed," she replied. Well, strip down
to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled,
cupped, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed, rigorously
thorough examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said,"No
wonder this baby is under weight. You don't have any milk !" I know,"
GLESGA STORIES
This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record newspaper when his wife
sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. Whit
wis that fur?" he cries."That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser
pockets with the name Mary-Rose written oan it," said she. Don't be daft," he
explains,"two weeks ago when I went to the races Mary-Rose wis the
name of one o' the horses I bet on." She seemed satisfied apologised, and went
off to do the housework. Three days later he's again sitting in his chair
reading when she nails him again with the frying pan, knocking him out
cold.
When he comes around, he "whit the hell wis that fur?""Your horse
phoned!"
------------------------------------
A wee Glesga man and a woman who have never met before find themselves
in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial
embarrassment, hey both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the
lower. In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says,"I'm
sorry to bother you, but I'm freezing and I was wondering if you could
possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and with a glint in his
eye, says,"I've got a better idea .let's kid-on wur married." Why not,"
giggles the woman. Good", he replies."Get yur ain blanket
---------------------------------------
A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been
given a part in the school play.'Wonderful. Whit part is it?' she asks The
boy says,'I play the part of the Scottish husband. The mother scowls and
says ,'Go back an' tell that teacher you want a speaking part!
-----------------------------------------
One day the Primary 1 teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,
"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and
said, Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"
The teacher paused then asked the class,"And what do you think that man
said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said,"I think he said F*** me l! A
talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes!
-----------------------------------------
A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby,
checked his weight found it some what below normal, and asked if the baby was
breast fed or bottle fed."Breast fed," she replied. Well, strip down
to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled,
cupped, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed, rigorously
thorough examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said,"No
wonder this baby is under weight. You don't have any milk !" I know,"
