Post by Yuk YuK on Mar 28, 2006 4:24:02 GMT -5
Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said,"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
( SHE'S GOOD!)
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells,"When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies."When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says,"And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,"what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says,"I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,"Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back,"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
John & Marsha decided that the only way to pull
off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on
the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to
report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their
plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot"
he shouted.
A few moments passed.
'An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments later,"Looks like the Anderson's
have company" he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."The Coopers are
having sex!!"
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!
Dad cautiously asked "How do you know they are
having sex??"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with
a popsicle too."
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said,"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
( SHE'S GOOD!)
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells,"When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies."When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says,"And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,"what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says,"I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,"Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back,"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
John & Marsha decided that the only way to pull
off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on
the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to
report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their
plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot"
he shouted.
A few moments passed.
'An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments later,"Looks like the Anderson's
have company" he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."The Coopers are
having sex!!"
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!
Dad cautiously asked "How do you know they are
having sex??"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with
a popsicle too."
