Post by Yuk YuK on Mar 21, 2006 6:23:00 GMT -5
CINDERELLA
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her
wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the
garden, her fairy godmother appears, and
promises to provide Cinderella with
everything she needs to go to the ball, but
only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees."What's the second
condition?"
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and
your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The
appointed hour comes
and goes and Cinderella doesn't show up.
Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella
shows up, looking love-struck and very
satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairy
godmother.
"Your diaphragm was supposed to have turned into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power!
Tell me his name!"
"I can't remember, exactly ....
Peter Peter,
something or other..."
>>>>>>>---------------------------------------------- PINOCCHIO
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would
sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex.
Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to
see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away
enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him,
"How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied,"Who needs a girlfriend?"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RED RIDING HOOD
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a Sword to her throat, said
"Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at
him and said,"No you're not!
You're going to eat me, just like it
says in the book!"
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MICKEY MOUSE
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court.
The judge said to Mickey,"You say here that
your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied,"I didn't say she was crazy, I
said,
"she's f**king Goofy."
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SNOW WHITE
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so
she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and
then sat on his face screaming,
"Lie to me! Lie to me!"
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh.....by the way, did you know Captain Hook died from
jock itch?
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her
wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the
garden, her fairy godmother appears, and
promises to provide Cinderella with
everything she needs to go to the ball, but
only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees."What's the second
condition?"
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and
your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The
appointed hour comes
and goes and Cinderella doesn't show up.
Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella
shows up, looking love-struck and very
satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairy
godmother.
"Your diaphragm was supposed to have turned into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power!
Tell me his name!"
"I can't remember, exactly ....
Peter Peter,
something or other..."
>>>>>>>---------------------------------------------- PINOCCHIO
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would
sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex.
Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to
see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away
enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him,
"How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied,"Who needs a girlfriend?"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RED RIDING HOOD
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a Sword to her throat, said
"Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at
him and said,"No you're not!
You're going to eat me, just like it
says in the book!"
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MICKEY MOUSE
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court.
The judge said to Mickey,"You say here that
your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied,"I didn't say she was crazy, I
said,
"she's f**king Goofy."
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SNOW WHITE
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so
she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and
then sat on his face screaming,
"Lie to me! Lie to me!"
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh.....by the way, did you know Captain Hook died from
jock itch?
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