Post by Yuk YuK on Feb 23, 2006 4:30:46 GMT -5
Once upon a time, there was a happy little fly buzzing around a barn when
she happened upon a large pile of fresh cow manure. Since it had been hours
since her last meal and she was feeling hunger pangs, she flew down to the
irresistible delicacy and began to pig out.
She ate, and ate, and then she ate some more! Finally, she decided she'd had
plenty. She washed her face with her tiny front legs, belched a few times,
then attempted to fly away. But alas, she had eaten far too much and could
not get off the ground.
Wondering what to do about this unpleasant situation she looked around and
spotted a pitchfork leaning upright against the barn wall. She'd found a
solution! She realized if she could just climb up that handle and jump off
to become airborne she'd be able to fly again. So, she painstakingly,
climbed to the top of the handle. Once there, she took a deep breath, spread
her tiny wings, and leaped confidently into the air. She dropped like a
rock and splattered all over the floor……... Dead Fly.
What is the moral of this sad story?
"Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shit."
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday School class.
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was,"NO!"
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.
Again, they all answered,"NO!"
"Well," I continued,"then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out,"YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
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