Post by Yuk YuK on Feb 16, 2006 4:36:15 GMT -5
You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening.
They turned on a night light, turned on the answering machine, covered their
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
They had phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.
The cat they thought was in the back yard scooted back into the house.
They didn't want the cat shut in the house because "she" always tries to eat
the bird.
The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs with the man in hot pursuit.
The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty, so she
explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon.
"He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away.
"Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed.
Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me.
But it worked.
I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"
The cabdriver hit a parked car.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
These three guys die in a car wreck, and they all go to Hell. When they
arrive, the Devil asks each of the men what their sin was.
The first guy says "It's gotta be the booze. I'm always drunk."
The Devil decides to lock him in this room for 100 years with nothing but
shelves of every kind of alcohol you could dream of.
The guy's thinking,"Fuck yeah! Look at all this alcohol!" and runs into
the room.
The second guy says,"It's the women. I could never stay faithful to my
wife."
The devil opens the second door and nothing but the finest-looking naked
women that you have ever seen. And he would be the only guy in there for
100 years. He couldn't believe it. His dick was instantly hard and he went
hauling ass into the room and the Devil shut the door.
The third man said "It's gotta be the bud. I'm always tokin' up."
The Devil opens the third door to reveal nothing but fields of 10-foot
tall, icky, sticky, take-a-toke, make-ya-choke, chronic, green, death bud.
The stoner can't believe it. He goes in and takes a seat Indian style with
his back to the door and the Devil shuts the door behind him.
One hundred years go by and the Devil comes back to check on the three
men.
He opens the first door and the man comes crawling out. He's got an empty
bottle in one hand, he's completely naked, hasn't shaved or showered in
years, and is covered in his own puke, shit and piss."I'll never drink
again!" he says.
The devil tells him that at least he learned something and decides to give
him a second shot at life.
The devil then opens the second door and the man comes running out even
faster than when he went in."I'm fucking gay!" he screams.
The devil decides that at least he learned not to cheat on his wife and
gives him another chance as well.
The devil then comes to the third door. He opens it and nothing has
changed. The stoner is still sitting in the same position that he was 100
years ago.
The devil asks him if he learned anything.
The stoner turns around as a tear rolls down his cheek."You gotta a light
man?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening.
They turned on a night light, turned on the answering machine, covered their
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
They had phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.
The cat they thought was in the back yard scooted back into the house.
They didn't want the cat shut in the house because "she" always tries to eat
the bird.
The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs with the man in hot pursuit.
The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty, so she
explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon.
"He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away.
"Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed.
Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me.
But it worked.
I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"
The cabdriver hit a parked car.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
These three guys die in a car wreck, and they all go to Hell. When they
arrive, the Devil asks each of the men what their sin was.
The first guy says "It's gotta be the booze. I'm always drunk."
The Devil decides to lock him in this room for 100 years with nothing but
shelves of every kind of alcohol you could dream of.
The guy's thinking,"Fuck yeah! Look at all this alcohol!" and runs into
the room.
The second guy says,"It's the women. I could never stay faithful to my
wife."
The devil opens the second door and nothing but the finest-looking naked
women that you have ever seen. And he would be the only guy in there for
100 years. He couldn't believe it. His dick was instantly hard and he went
hauling ass into the room and the Devil shut the door.
The third man said "It's gotta be the bud. I'm always tokin' up."
The Devil opens the third door to reveal nothing but fields of 10-foot
tall, icky, sticky, take-a-toke, make-ya-choke, chronic, green, death bud.
The stoner can't believe it. He goes in and takes a seat Indian style with
his back to the door and the Devil shuts the door behind him.
One hundred years go by and the Devil comes back to check on the three
men.
He opens the first door and the man comes crawling out. He's got an empty
bottle in one hand, he's completely naked, hasn't shaved or showered in
years, and is covered in his own puke, shit and piss."I'll never drink
again!" he says.
The devil tells him that at least he learned something and decides to give
him a second shot at life.
The devil then opens the second door and the man comes running out even
faster than when he went in."I'm fucking gay!" he screams.
The devil decides that at least he learned not to cheat on his wife and
gives him another chance as well.
The devil then comes to the third door. He opens it and nothing has
changed. The stoner is still sitting in the same position that he was 100
years ago.
The devil asks him if he learned anything.
The stoner turns around as a tear rolls down his cheek."You gotta a light
man?"