Post by Yuk YuK on Feb 5, 2006 5:50:10 GMT -5
Sam and Edith were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years.
Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they
watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good
health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and
exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation
and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the
pearly gates, and there an escort was waiting to show them inside. He
took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with
a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. And their
favorite
clothes hanging in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said,
"Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."
Sam asked how much all this was going to cost."Why, nothing," their
companion replied,"remember, this is your reward i! n Heaven."
Sam looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf
course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth."What are
the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.
"This is heaven," the companion replied."You can play for free, every
day."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with
every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to
exotic deserts, free flowing beverages."Don't even ask," said their
companion to Sam."This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at Edith."Well, where
are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?"
he asked.
"That's the best part," the companion replied."You can eat and drink as
much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or
sick. This is Heaven!"
Sam pushed,"No gym to work out at?"
"Not! unless you want to," was the answer.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
Sam glared at Edith and said,"You and your f _ _ _ing bran muffins. We
could have been here 15 years ago!"
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China,
he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all
the time.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one
morning to find his dick covered with bright green and purple
spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor,
never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests
and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says:
"I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD.
It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little
about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says:"Well, give me a
shot or something and fix me up, doc."
The doctor answers:"I'm sorry, there no known cure. We're
going to have to amputate your dick."
The man screams in horror,"Absolutely not! I want a second
opinion."
The doctor replies:"Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you
want, but surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring
that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his dick and proclaims:"Ah, yes,
Mongorian VD. Very rare disease."
The guy says to the doctor:"Yeah, yeah, I already know that,
but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and
amputate my dick?"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs:"Stupid
American docta, arways want to cut, cut, cut. Make more money,
that way. No need to operate!"
"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor,"You no worry! Save money. You
wait two weeks. dick fall off by itself!"
How to say "I Love You" in 20 languages
English ............. I Love You
African...............Mimi Pendo Wewe
Spanish .............Te Amo
French ............... Je T'aime
German .............. lch Liebe Dich
Japanese .............Ai poope Imasu
Italian .................. Ti Amo
Chinese ................. Wo Ai Ni
Swedish ................. Jag Alskar
Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta, Nova Scotia, Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas,
Oklahoma, Texas,& Montana.................... Nice Ass, Get in the truck
Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they
watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good
health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and
exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation
and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the
pearly gates, and there an escort was waiting to show them inside. He
took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with
a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. And their
favorite
clothes hanging in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said,
"Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."
Sam asked how much all this was going to cost."Why, nothing," their
companion replied,"remember, this is your reward i! n Heaven."
Sam looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf
course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth."What are
the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.
"This is heaven," the companion replied."You can play for free, every
day."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with
every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to
exotic deserts, free flowing beverages."Don't even ask," said their
companion to Sam."This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at Edith."Well, where
are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?"
he asked.
"That's the best part," the companion replied."You can eat and drink as
much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or
sick. This is Heaven!"
Sam pushed,"No gym to work out at?"
"Not! unless you want to," was the answer.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
Sam glared at Edith and said,"You and your f _ _ _ing bran muffins. We
could have been here 15 years ago!"
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China,
he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all
the time.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one
morning to find his dick covered with bright green and purple
spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor,
never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests
and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says:
"I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD.
It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little
about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says:"Well, give me a
shot or something and fix me up, doc."
The doctor answers:"I'm sorry, there no known cure. We're
going to have to amputate your dick."
The man screams in horror,"Absolutely not! I want a second
opinion."
The doctor replies:"Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you
want, but surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring
that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his dick and proclaims:"Ah, yes,
Mongorian VD. Very rare disease."
The guy says to the doctor:"Yeah, yeah, I already know that,
but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and
amputate my dick?"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs:"Stupid
American docta, arways want to cut, cut, cut. Make more money,
that way. No need to operate!"
"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor,"You no worry! Save money. You
wait two weeks. dick fall off by itself!"
How to say "I Love You" in 20 languages
English ............. I Love You
African...............Mimi Pendo Wewe
Spanish .............Te Amo
French ............... Je T'aime
German .............. lch Liebe Dich
Japanese .............Ai poope Imasu
Italian .................. Ti Amo
Chinese ................. Wo Ai Ni
Swedish ................. Jag Alskar
Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta, Nova Scotia, Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas,
Oklahoma, Texas,& Montana.................... Nice Ass, Get in the truck
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