Post by Yuk YuK on Jan 31, 2006 5:05:37 GMT -5
In Honor of Stupid People
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a! bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):"Do not turn upside
down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought?
...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights:"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:"Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."
(Oh my God ...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Subject:>>A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of
him :
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one
Day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the
Beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always
Beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right,
Then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he
reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife:"Jen, is the cat
there?"
"Yes", the wife answers,"why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered,"Put that son of a bitch on the
phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a! bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):"Do not turn upside
down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought?
...)On packaging for a Rowenta iron:"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights:"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:"Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."
(Oh my God ...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Subject:>>A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of
him :
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one
Day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the
Beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always
Beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right,
Then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he
reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife:"Jen, is the cat
there?"
"Yes", the wife answers,"why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered,"Put that son of a bitch on the
phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
