Post by Yuk YuK on Feb 3, 2006 3:05:43 GMT -5
Three mice are sitting at a bar after the funeral of an old friend, an Illinois mouse, killed by an 80-year-old lady with a broom. They're trying to impress each other about how much more together they are than
the dearly departed.
The Wisconsin mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass onto the bar, turns to the Iowa mouse and says,"When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The Iowa mouse orders up two shots of tequila, drinks them down one after the other, slams both glasses on the bar, turns to the Wisconsin mouse and replies,"Oh yeah? Well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning, so I can get a good buzz for the rest of the day."
They both turn to the Texas mouse.
The Texas mouse finishes the beer he has in front of him, lets out a long sigh, then says to the two,"I don't have time for this bull****.
I gotta go home and have sex with the cat."
This is just silly
Bob and his wife were working in their garden one day when Bob looks over at his wife and says,"Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big, I bet your butt is bigger than the barbeque."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"
The wife chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, Bob is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers:"Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little wiener?
Doctor's Farewell
A rich, well-loved cardiologist lived a long and prosperous life, but finally passed away. Being the all-around nice guy that he was, his many friends and co-workers gave him a spectacular funeral.
As they all stood and watched, his mahogany coffin slid along tracks toward the crematory doors. Encircling the crematory doors was a massive ornate heart, made of roses and carnations, to signify all the hearts he had touched, literally and figuratively.
Suddenly, one of the doctor's best friends began to laugh hysterically. Quite angry at the outburst, everyone turned to glare at him.
"I'm sorry," he said."I was just thinking: I'm a gynecologist, so what's my funeral gonna be like?"
The proctologist gasped and fainted!