Post by Yuk YuK on Jan 20, 2006 5:15:27 GMT -5
One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said,'I'll take him and him and him."
INVESTING
The young bride approached her awaiting husband on
their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first
love-making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he
readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time
they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it
was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.
Arriving home around noon one day, she found her
husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few
minutes, she heard of the ravages of financial ruin
caused by corporate down sizing and it's effects on a
50 year-old executive.
Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits
and interest for 30 years totaling nearly $1 million
dollars. Pointing out the window, she gestured toward
the local bank while handing him stock certificates
worth nearly $4 million dollars and informing him that
he was the largest stockholder in the bank. She
told him that for 30 years, she had charged him each
time they had sex , and this was the result of her
investments.
By now, he was distraught and beating his head
against the wall.
She asked him why the disappointment at such good
news and he replied,"If I had known what you were
doing, I would have given you all of my business!"
Some men have no idea when to keep their mouths shut.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said,'I'll take him and him and him."
INVESTING
The young bride approached her awaiting husband on
their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first
love-making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he
readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time
they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it
was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.
Arriving home around noon one day, she found her
husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few
minutes, she heard of the ravages of financial ruin
caused by corporate down sizing and it's effects on a
50 year-old executive.
Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits
and interest for 30 years totaling nearly $1 million
dollars. Pointing out the window, she gestured toward
the local bank while handing him stock certificates
worth nearly $4 million dollars and informing him that
he was the largest stockholder in the bank. She
told him that for 30 years, she had charged him each
time they had sex , and this was the result of her
investments.
By now, he was distraught and beating his head
against the wall.
She asked him why the disappointment at such good
news and he replied,"If I had known what you were
doing, I would have given you all of my business!"
Some men have no idea when to keep their mouths shut.
