Post by Yuk YuK on Jan 18, 2006 5:31:32 GMT -5
The newly wed couple
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them,"We
have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex
for one whole month." The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks
returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the
wife was crying and the husband obviously very depressed."You are back so
soon... Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired."We are terribly ashamed
to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required
month...." the young man replied sadly.
The pastor asked him what happened.
"Well, the first week was difficult.... However, we managed to abstain
through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of
Prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We
tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible..!.. anything to keep
our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of
paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with
lust and had my way with her right then and there," admitted the man,
shamefacedly.
"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated
the pastor.
"We know." said the young man, hanging his head,"We're not welcome at Home
Depot, either."
THE CLASS OF 2007
Just in case you weren't feeling old enough today, this will
certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit ollege in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the Faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshman.
Here is this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation
were
born in 1985.
They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and
probably
did not know he had ever been shot.
They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
There has been only one Pope in their lifetime.
They were 10 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember
the Cold War.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Tiananmen Square means nothing to them.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.
The statement "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to
them.
They have never owned a record player.
They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of
Pong.
They may have never heard of an 8 track. The Compact Disc was
introduced when they were 1 year old.
They have always had an answering machine.
Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they
seen a black and white TV.
They have always had cable.
There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA was.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
They don't know what a cloth baby diaper is, or know about the
"Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial.
Feeling old Yet? There's more:
They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
Roller skating has always meant inline for them.
Michael Jackson has always been white.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They have never seen Larry Bird play.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as W.W.I, W.W.II and
the Civil War.
They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.(The correct
answer, by the way, is Ork)
They never heard:"Where's the beef?","I'd walk a mile for a
Camel," or "De plane, de plane!"
They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was.
Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not
bands.
There has always been MTV.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet?
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them,"We
have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex
for one whole month." The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks
returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the
wife was crying and the husband obviously very depressed."You are back so
soon... Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired."We are terribly ashamed
to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required
month...." the young man replied sadly.
The pastor asked him what happened.
"Well, the first week was difficult.... However, we managed to abstain
through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of
Prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We
tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible..!.. anything to keep
our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of
paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with
lust and had my way with her right then and there," admitted the man,
shamefacedly.
"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated
the pastor.
"We know." said the young man, hanging his head,"We're not welcome at Home
Depot, either."
THE CLASS OF 2007
Just in case you weren't feeling old enough today, this will
certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit ollege in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the Faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshman.
Here is this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation
were
born in 1985.
They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and
probably
did not know he had ever been shot.
They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
There has been only one Pope in their lifetime.
They were 10 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember
the Cold War.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Tiananmen Square means nothing to them.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.
The statement "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to
them.
They have never owned a record player.
They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of
Pong.
They may have never heard of an 8 track. The Compact Disc was
introduced when they were 1 year old.
They have always had an answering machine.
Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they
seen a black and white TV.
They have always had cable.
There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA was.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
They don't know what a cloth baby diaper is, or know about the
"Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial.
Feeling old Yet? There's more:
They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
Roller skating has always meant inline for them.
Michael Jackson has always been white.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They have never seen Larry Bird play.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as W.W.I, W.W.II and
the Civil War.
They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.(The correct
answer, by the way, is Ork)
They never heard:"Where's the beef?","I'd walk a mile for a
Camel," or "De plane, de plane!"
They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was.
Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not
bands.
There has always been MTV.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet?
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