Post by Yuk YuK on Jan 7, 2006 5:42:56 GMT -5
Thought you'd get a kick out of this one guys.....
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset
because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and
at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave
her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I
told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room
right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number 2
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a
float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown
Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup.
Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give
his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells
Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors
that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could
not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man said,"OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he
was waiting in line back at Bank of! America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in
a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but
the cashier refused and said, because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's
license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over
and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the
bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted,"Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need a sign, he
probably figured it out himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of plexiglass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh,
that smarts.
Give him his sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Eight
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away.
Sign please.
Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote (and
breed).
Scary, isn't it?!
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset
because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and
at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave
her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I
told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room
right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number 2
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a
float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown
Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup.
Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give
his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells
Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors
that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could
not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man said,"OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he
was waiting in line back at Bank of! America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in
a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but
the cashier refused and said, because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's
license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over
and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the
bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted,"Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need a sign, he
probably figured it out himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of plexiglass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh,
that smarts.
Give him his sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Eight
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away.
Sign please.
Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote (and
breed).
Scary, isn't it?!