and yet another HHAHA from TX

[[EoM]Pr0c3550r[Q2C]]

another funny from my friend in Texas

BASS PRO PARKING LOT In Dallas




A lady was saying the other day that she saw a man driving down I- 35 and a dog was hanging on to the tail gate for dear life. She said if he hadn't been going so fast in the other direction she would have tried to stop him. A few weeks later her son sees this truck at the Bass Pro Shop! The truck belongs to a taxidermist!


Only in Texas !!

[[EoM]Pr0c3550r[Q2C]]

HOLY E-Mail


One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So He called one of His angels and sent the angel to earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God,'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said,'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'

So God called another angel and sent him to earth for a time.

When the angel returned he went to God and said,'Yes, it's true.The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.'
He was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?





Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.

[[EoM]Pr0c3550r[Q2C]]

Via E mail

Subject: brings a tear to your eye ....

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next
hour just scratching his nuts-- something she seemed
to love to do.

As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her,'Why
do you love doing that?'

Because,' she replied,
I really miss mine.'

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it??

[[EoM]Shogun]

LOL ewww

[[EoM]Pr0c3550r[Q2C]]

Yeah, he's a retired Texas State Trooper
Known him for years, he's sends really funny shit sometimes !

Oh and he drinks CC that's Canadian Club.

He sends great humor and drinks the best as he has told me.

Enjoy

[[EoM]Pr0c3550r[Q2C]]

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest
Little lisp, between her two missing teeth,"Excuth me, mithur, do you have
Widdle wabbits"?


As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on
Her level and asks,"Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and
Fuwwry bwack wabbit, or maybe like that cute widdle brown wabbit over there?


She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,
Leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,"I don't think my python
Weally gives a thit!"

[[EoM]Pr0c3550r[Q2C]]

WATER Vs WINE

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.



In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli,(E. coli)- bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.





However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.





Remember: Water = Poop,

Wine = Health



Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit .

[[EoM]Pr0c3550r[Q2C]]

'Bubba, where'd you git that truck?'






'Tammie give it to me,' Bubba replied.





'She give it to ya?
I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?'









'Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened.
We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres.
Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,





'Bubba, take whatever you want.'





So I took the truck!'

[[EoM]Shogun]

Barf

[[EoM]Pr0c3550r[Q2C]]

Feb 25, 2009 15:38:53 GMT -5 [EoM]Shogun said:

Barf

Yeah, I laughed before I scrolled to the PIG !

[[EoM]Shogun]

That is one of the most horrendous pictures I have ever seen on here.

WAR EOM!

[[EoM]Pr0c3550r[Q2C]]

Feb 25, 2009 19:04:43 GMT -5 [EoM]Shogun said:

That is one of the most horrendous pictures I have ever seen on here.

WAR EOM!

horrendous is a good way to put it, however, the 100's of sweeties posted here make up for that product of McDonalds BIG TIME...lol

[[EoM] sTaB w0uNdZ]

horrendous is a good way to put it, however, the 100's of sweeties posted here make up for that product of McDonalds BIG TIME...lol

i agree 100%, but mcdonalds is pretty good

[[EoM]Pr0c3550r[Q2C]]

The Language Of The RAIL: This Is Known as A HOT BOX!!!!!!





The Good news:
It was a normal day in Sharon Springs , KS when a Union Pacific crew boarded a loaded coal train for the long trek to Salina ..








The Bad news:
Just a few miles into the trip a wheel bearing became overheated and melted, letting a metal support drop down and grind on the rail, creating white hot molten metal droppings spewing down to the rail.

The Good news:
A very alert crew noticed smoke about halfway back in the train and immediately stopped the train in compliance with the rules.






The Bad news:
The train stopped with the hot wheel over a wooden bridge with creosote ties and trusses




























RULES ARE RULES!
But, don't let common sense get in the way of a good disaster!

[[EoM]Pr0c3550r[Q2C]]

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was 'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me.'I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?'

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

'Honey,' I called,'come look at the lizard!'

'Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed.'She's having babies.'

'What?' my son demanded.'But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!'

I was equally outraged.

'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.

'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?' she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!)

'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!'I reminded her,(in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).

'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.

'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,' she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,' I announced.'We're about to witness the miracle of birth..'

'Oh, gross!' they shrieked.

'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted to know.

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I noted.

'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.

'Do something, Dad!' my son urged.

'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know.

'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.'(You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.

'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to him.(Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested scientifically.

'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured.'Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.

'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us...'This lizard is not in labor.. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen..... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um .. um ... masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed, glancing at my wife.

We were silent, absorbing this.

'So, Ernie's just . just .... excited,' my wife offered.

'Exactly!!’ the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness...

Tear s were now running down her face.'It's just ...that .. I'm picturing you pulling on its ... it’s... teeny little ..' She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,' he told me.

'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

Two lizards:$140.

One cage:$50.

Trip to the vet:$30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class -- Lizards lay eggs!

[[EoM]tyronej69]

LMAO that lizard one ;D sorry I haven't been online in a while, I'll try to make it online more often.. aight peace!